Pride, Patience and Presence: A Gay Man’s Journey Through Caregiving and Men’s Mental Health

As we celebrate Men’s Mental Health Awareness and Pride Month, I thought it fitting to share my personal story—living as a gay man, becoming a full-time caregiver, and the three resources that have helped me navigate a chapter of life I never anticipated.

Over the last nine months, I’ve been caring for an elderly parent with severe medical issues. What started as a temporary situation quickly evolved into something far more complex, affecting me mentally, physically, and emotionally. In connecting with friends in my community, I’ve discovered that I’m not alone—many other gay men are walking a similar path.

1. Therapy Is Not Weakness—It’s Power

Family caregiving is still primarily performed by women, with estimates showing that 53% to 81% of caregivers identify as female. As a gay man, I’m used to being in the minority, and over time, that has taught me how to navigate unfamiliar roles with resilience and perspective. Still, this journey has tested me in new ways.

Therapy—specifically my therapist, Robyn—has been a lifeline. In 2021, only 17% of men in the U.S. reported receiving mental health treatment, compared to 28.5% of women. Many men still avoid therapy due to outdated stigmas. But therapy has given me a safe space to express frustrations, examine long-held childhood traumas, and reframe my caregiving experience through a healthier lens.

I’m grateful I was already in therapy before my mom moved in with me and my husband. That head start, along with my yoga training, helped equip me with the emotional tools and self-awareness needed to stay grounded in a difficult time.

2. Chosen Family Matters More Than Ever

As queer people, many of us didn’t grow up expecting to become caregivers. We often assumed our straight siblings would raise families, while we built our lives independently—free from diaper changes, PTA meetings, and the responsibilities of child-rearing.

But now, I see more and more queer friends stepping into the caregiving role, too—moving in with aging parents, or relocating to less LGBTQIA+–friendly areas to be closer to them. Some are returning to the same small towns we left behind for bigger cities like NYC, seeking safety, freedom and community. It’s a jarring return, especially when we’re reminded of why we left in the first place.

This part of the journey has been isolating and, at times, deeply emotional. I won’t sugarcoat it: social isolation and feelings of depression are real. But the support of my queer community—even from afar—has made all the difference. We lift one another up, remind each other of our strength, and offer emotional safety when our environments don’t.

3. Yoga Is More Than a Practice—It’s a Lifeline

While I may not have the time or energy for daily asana (movement-based) practices, yoga still grounds me. Breathwork (pranayama), meditation, and the ethical principles of yoga (the yamas and niyamas) continue to guide my mindset.

In particular, I lean on the concept of Ishvara Pranidhana—surrendering to a greater plan. If I hadn’t left NYC, lost my job in 2023, and become a certified yoga instructor, I wouldn’t have been prepared—emotionally or spiritually—to be here for my mom. I’ve learned patience, presence, and how to listen not only to her needs, but to my own.

Final Thought: Don’t Wait to Ask for Help

Tapping into your available resources—whether therapy, chosen family, or a spiritual practice—is essential in life’s most challenging chapters. Many of us struggle to ask for help, but you'd be surprised how people show up when you do.

Even elite athletes have coaches to keep them focused and moving forward. Why should life be any different?